Unmotivated & Uninspired

Unmotivated and uninspired.  What a sad way to be.  I can't describe myself any other way though.  I try not to  be. I tell myself that I'm happy. There is no reason not to be. I have a good job, a wonderful wife and a life that should be forfilling.  Yet,  I'm Unmotivated and uninspired.  I know my life is going to change soon. I got promoted, so new office, new computer workers, new job duties. I'm not looking forward to it.  I'll get more money and experience that will help me in my County career, not very excited.  Guess I hate change.  I'm going to be a father sooner than later. My wife wants to be a mother more then anything. I'm not excited about that either.  All I see is stress and more stresss. So much stress that there's no room for anything else.  I've forgotten how to relax and how to be disracted.  Everything is so fucking pointless that it's frustrating. 

I use to love to be at coffee houses to write, read or draw. But I'm sitting at one now and wondering why I'm here. Only thing I do is play on my phone and wonder where I want to eat.  Eating sucks now too lately.  I'm not really enjoying food as much as I use to.  Still fatter then ever though.  Drinking isn't dun anymore. I use to love to drink... eh.  Ok. I guess I'm just whining. I'll try to write about something better then just whining like a grown child. 

Till next time.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The La De Da

Its been a while hasn't it?  Sometimes its good to get thoughts down, I just wish I made more time for it.  I do this while at work and try not to take too long.  Perhaps I do need to put more time when I do these posts.  Then again, I'm not really here to impress anyone or anything, I just try to get my thoughts in order and hopefully get rid of this scared feeling I always get when I have to go do adult stuff.  Take my job for example.  I have around three assignments I need to get done today.  I wrote them down on a post it.  I need to make phone call and try my best to get things done. It give me anxiety for some reason though.  I don't know if i'm scared that I'll fail, or what.  These things need to be done.  But I'm scared to do them.  I feel like a child that was told by their parent to clean up my room and i'm too stubborn to do it.  I wish things were as simple as cleaning up my room again.  I get feelings ...
Read more

Change

  I sometimes see the day as something that needs to be done. I walk to my car every morning. I listen to all the birds churping at each other. I think of how much I love listening to it.  I rather just sit at the curb and listen til the sun was fully out.  That sounds way more satisfying than a day at work. I start my new job tomorrow.  I'm trying to get excited... but overall, It feels like something that needs to be done.  I need good vibes for tomorrow. So if you happen to be reading this, I'll appreciate any silent prayers or thoughts towards my way.  This is a good move for me even though I'm full of uncertainty.  So good thoughts, good thoughts, good thoughts.  I just hope I can do a good job there.  Please let me handle everything they can throw at me... Sorry. That me speaking to any higher power that happens to be listening.  I got a hair cut. I'm going to shave, I'm going to ware a time (hopefully just tomorrow).  My sh...
Read more

Anxiety

Usually self-diagnosable Symptoms include stress that's out of proportion to the impact of the event, inability to set aside a worry, and restlessness. People may experience: Whole body:  fatigue, restlessness, or sweating Behavioral:  hypervigilance or irritability Cognitive:  racing thoughts or unwanted thoughts Also common:  anxiety, excessive worry, fear, feeling of impending doom, insomnia, nausea, poor concentration, sensation of an abnormal heartbeat, or trembling Consult a doctor for medical advice Sources:  Mayo Clinic and others.  I looked up symptoms for anxiety yesterday and this I what it showed me.  I hate self-diagnosable crap.  I’m not Dr. and neither is google.  I do not have the ability to do so.  But after saying that, I can say right now, I felt just about all these experienced within the last week or so.  Except for Impending doom, that sounds way too dramatic for my taste.  Let’s j...
Read more