The Day To Day

I need to find a good book to read.  Any suggestion out there?  I was thinking of continuing the Dan Brown Series with Character Robert Langdon.  , I read  up to The Lost Symbol, Still need to read Inferno.  And I think another book is coming out next year.  I didn't go watch the movie cause I still need to read the book.  Ah well. Anyway, I couldn't get anything done yesterday at work.  I couldn't focus and I just wanted to hide under my desk and go to some kind of La La Land.  I couldn't though, even if I did hide under my desk.  My mind was racing too much, and too many things for me to handle.  I shut down once 4 o clock hit yesterday.  I couldn't really talk to my wife about it because she knows i'm just acting stupid.  I guess I know deep down inside its true.  I'm conflicted, as always. Well, Today I have something that needs to be done by noon.  I guess I should get to it. Thanks for listening.

I know I don't have much to say anymore.  I use to have things to say.  Things I thought important, but I guess as I get older, I realized a lot of it was just a bunch of self loathing cry for attention.  Of course, I am my own worst critic and perhaps I am cutting myself short.... Nah, I doubt that. Anyway,  I dealt with a huge pain in my hip all weekend.  I thought it was my lower back at first, then i realized it was mainly on my right side and in my hip area.  I know I hurt it years ago.  I'm not sure how, Dr. said I sprang it somehow.  Perhaps I have and it hasn't really healed?  Wouldn't of  lasted years if it was a sprung it, so i'm thinking there is a little more to it than that.  I woke up this morning though and it feels fine, almost normal, but I feel some pain lingering. My wife asked me to schedule her for a dental appointment today.  I never looked forward to the dentist.  I just want a cleaning and I en...

Yesterday was interesting.  I told a white lie to my supervisor apparently.  I thought I saw our director pass by me yesterday morning ignoring me.  My supervisor was there and I thought saw that.  But apparently she didn't.  I thought it odd, but didn't think much of it after.  SO as I walked by my director's office, I noticed she wasn't in there. I asked her secretary if she was in earlier, but apparently, she hasn't come in at all yesterday.  So of course, I was What the fuck?  I could of sworn I saw her.  NO wonder my supervisor gave me "are you crazy" look.  So now I might be seeing people that aren't there.  Don't think i'm stressed or anything, but i guess that kind of thing is hard to determine by yourself. Anyway, I still can't focus as much as I should.  I'm trying to get all my work straight, but I feel like I'm standing still holding the bag when someone expects me to fill it with something, but I have no clue wh...

                I had a great night of sleep yesterday. I don’t know what it was, but I woke up not feeling tired or the need to stay in bed.  Yesterday was a good day overall.  Work went by relatively quickly, talked to some friends/former co-workers, had king taco for dinner, and got ample time to play a video game.  I almost had an anxiety attack though (or what I think was one).  I was becoming restless and couldn’t concentrate for a while, but it eventually went away.  I need to focus today.  I got to get things done and start doing this job.  I am hoping to have a couple of meeting today and get a better idea on how to do things.  I hate the fact that no one is around to talk to.  That’s what I kind of miss.  It’s quiet around here and there isn’t really anyone around me.  Let’s get to work. I have an amendment I need to find. Thanks for listening,

       I usually type into another program before I even log into this blog.  I usually use MS Word to type things out, But today I'm using Notepad.  I think the last time I used notepad was for programming (which was over a decade ago).  I think it was C++.  Perhaps some kind of JavaScript or HTML?   That felt like a lifetime ago.  This morning feels like a lifetime ago.  Whats cool about Notepad is that it will stay one line for an extremely long time (forget how many characters).  So right now on my screen, the notepad window can only see one line, and its going to on til i'm done with this post. The only problem is spelling.  Doesn't tell me if something is spelled wrong, so I'll definitely have to edit a little more then I"m use to.            I'm here at work, with no sign of my manager or supervisor.  No clue whats going on with that, perhaps they are just running late?  ...

Usually self-diagnosable Symptoms include stress that's out of proportion to the impact of the event, inability to set aside a worry, and restlessness. People may experience: Whole body:  fatigue, restlessness, or sweating Behavioral:  hypervigilance or irritability Cognitive:  racing thoughts or unwanted thoughts Also common:  anxiety, excessive worry, fear, feeling of impending doom, insomnia, nausea, poor concentration, sensation of an abnormal heartbeat, or trembling Consult a doctor for medical advice Sources:  Mayo Clinic and others.  I looked up symptoms for anxiety yesterday and this I what it showed me.  I hate self-diagnosable crap.  I’m not Dr. and neither is google.  I do not have the ability to do so.  But after saying that, I can say right now, I felt just about all these experienced within the last week or so.  Except for Impending doom, that sounds way too dramatic for my taste.  Let’s j...

                I spend the last hour and a half on my phone.  Playing a game.  I should be working on something, but I didn’t.  My mind didn’t really wonder or worry, just played my game, and tried not to fall asleep.  Tried to look at different articles on yahoo.com.  All bad news and how good celebrities look in their bikinis.  Perhaps that’s all celebrities are good for now and days.  Although I did read an article of a black woman explaining what white privilege is.  I thought it was pretty interesting.  .  I’m getting a little frustrated with my keyboard.  The “S” key keeps getting stuck.  I’m also listening to a track called budding trees by Nahko and Medicine for the People.  It wasn’t a bad track.  Now someone called the Avett Brothers are on.  I don’t know who they are.               ...

                I ran a little late today.  Well ok, not really late.  The time I’m supposed to start is 7:00am and I made that time.  I always think if I’m not here by 6:30ish, I’m late.  It was hard for me to wake up today.  My alarm went off at 4:30am and I got up at 5am.  No big deal I guess.  I made it, and I haven’t done a thing at work yet.  Not a good thing, but to be completely honest, there isn’t much for me to do at the moment.  I know I should enjoy it while I can because this looks like a very busy job.  In a way though, I can’t wait to be more productive.  There is a certain kind of satisfaction when you have a good day of work then a day with nothing to show for it.  Feeling productive is a feeling we take for granted.  I try not to, but sooner or later, I might again.                ...

I’m here at my keyboard.  The day is still coming alive.  The streets are empty and the sky hasn’t turned blue yet, but there is light, and it’s only going to get brighter and warmer.  I’m in my cubicle, it took me 20 minutes to get here from the gold line.  My thoughts moved so fast that I didn’t even know they were there.  On my way to the gold line, I saw this young couple, walking around my neighborhood.  The gentleman was wearing a white dress shirt, black slacks and suspenders.  He stuck out a little.  The girl was in a nice skirt and blouse, it seemed like they were ending their date.  I envied them for no particular reason other than I rather be walking around my neighborhood, ending a date.  Can’t think about such things.  I’m in my cubicle wondering why it’s so warm in here.  I have work to do.  I feel like I’m really behind, but I have no real clue.  I felt like this when I first started my last job, pe...

  I sometimes see the day as something that needs to be done. I walk to my car every morning. I listen to all the birds churping at each other. I think of how much I love listening to it.  I rather just sit at the curb and listen til the sun was fully out.  That sounds way more satisfying than a day at work. I start my new job tomorrow.  I'm trying to get excited... but overall, It feels like something that needs to be done.  I need good vibes for tomorrow. So if you happen to be reading this, I'll appreciate any silent prayers or thoughts towards my way.  This is a good move for me even though I'm full of uncertainty.  So good thoughts, good thoughts, good thoughts.  I just hope I can do a good job there.  Please let me handle everything they can throw at me... Sorry. That me speaking to any higher power that happens to be listening.  I got a hair cut. I'm going to shave, I'm going to ware a time (hopefully just tomorrow).  My sh...

So I was reading The Li'l Depressed Boy volume 5: Suppose to be There, Too.  There was a scene that LDB and his girlfriend Spike were at a concert with a band called Lemuria.  I naturally thought this was a made up band sense this is a graphic novel afterall. But during that scene, they were showing threads lyrics to a song they were playing.  So I thought, what are the chances of this being a really song.  So I looked up the band and realized it is a real band.  I found them on Spotify and listened to thier album, "the Distance is Too Big" and enjoying the crap out of the music.  Who would of thought. From a graphic novel.   

Unmotivated and uninspired.  What a sad way to be.  I can't describe myself any other way though.  I try not to  be. I tell myself that I'm happy. There is no reason not to be. I have a good job, a wonderful wife and a life that should be forfilling.  Yet,  I'm Unmotivated and uninspired.  I know my life is going to change soon. I got promoted, so new office, new computer workers, new job duties. I'm not looking forward to it.  I'll get more money and experience that will help me in my County career, not very excited.  Guess I hate change.  I'm going to be a father sooner than later. My wife wants to be a mother more then anything. I'm not excited about that either.  All I see is stress and more stresss. So much stress that there's no room for anything else.  I've forgotten how to relax and how to be disracted.  Everything is so fucking pointless that it's frustrating.  I use to love to be at coffee houses to write, ...

I can't remember the last time I blogged.  I would of looked before I deleted all my post, but I didn't care enough.  I figure I need a new start, so I thought getting rid of the old would be the best way to go.   Today is Monday, I just came back from a week vacation and thought I should write my thoughts down again. I always done it in a blog before.  It's been years, but felt like something for me to start up again. Not a whole lot of creativity been going on. So I decided to just write what's on my mind and go from there. All I can do is take it a day at a time.  So let's see what happens.  Even though it's nothing new, feels completely weird writing this from my phone. Yay for technology. Till next time, Thanks for reading.