My head is fuzzy.  I don't know what to think anymore, I don't know how to act any more.  I don't see the point half the time any more.  I don't know whats going on with me, so I"m just going to ramble and see what comes out.  Most likely a rant of an overgrown child.  Perhaps realizing that would make me calm down.

I can't concentrate again.  My mind is running in circles on how i don't want to be here.  I should just stand up and leave and drive somewhere familiar.  Or perhaps not so familiar.  Perhaps I need to be somewhere different.  What would I do there though?  Stare into space, wishing i was someone else?  Wondering why I am so hung up about living and moving forward?  Have I hung on to something for so long that I completely forgotten that I was hanging on to it to begin with?    I hung on to it for so long that I even forgot what the hell it was?  It's just part of my life and stayed hidden for me long enough for me not to questions it anymore?   I can't seem to enjoy myself enough.  Do I even want anything or am I getting things because it's expected to me?  My life seems destined to be a bunch of moments of wasting time with nothing to show for it.  Perhaps that will change when I have a child.  Its hard to imagine though.  I'm not experienced in anything, my job feels like a joke half the time.  I'm making no difference here, or anywhere.  I feel like i'm just a body that doesn't know what to do.     The effort doesn't seem worth it.  Eh,  ok, Rambling isn't working.  This all of the sudden seems very pointless.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The La De Da

Its been a while hasn't it?  Sometimes its good to get thoughts down, I just wish I made more time for it.  I do this while at work and try not to take too long.  Perhaps I do need to put more time when I do these posts.  Then again, I'm not really here to impress anyone or anything, I just try to get my thoughts in order and hopefully get rid of this scared feeling I always get when I have to go do adult stuff.  Take my job for example.  I have around three assignments I need to get done today.  I wrote them down on a post it.  I need to make phone call and try my best to get things done. It give me anxiety for some reason though.  I don't know if i'm scared that I'll fail, or what.  These things need to be done.  But I'm scared to do them.  I feel like a child that was told by their parent to clean up my room and i'm too stubborn to do it.  I wish things were as simple as cleaning up my room again.  I get feelings ...
Read more

Change

  I sometimes see the day as something that needs to be done. I walk to my car every morning. I listen to all the birds churping at each other. I think of how much I love listening to it.  I rather just sit at the curb and listen til the sun was fully out.  That sounds way more satisfying than a day at work. I start my new job tomorrow.  I'm trying to get excited... but overall, It feels like something that needs to be done.  I need good vibes for tomorrow. So if you happen to be reading this, I'll appreciate any silent prayers or thoughts towards my way.  This is a good move for me even though I'm full of uncertainty.  So good thoughts, good thoughts, good thoughts.  I just hope I can do a good job there.  Please let me handle everything they can throw at me... Sorry. That me speaking to any higher power that happens to be listening.  I got a hair cut. I'm going to shave, I'm going to ware a time (hopefully just tomorrow).  My sh...
Read more

Anxiety

Usually self-diagnosable Symptoms include stress that's out of proportion to the impact of the event, inability to set aside a worry, and restlessness. People may experience: Whole body:  fatigue, restlessness, or sweating Behavioral:  hypervigilance or irritability Cognitive:  racing thoughts or unwanted thoughts Also common:  anxiety, excessive worry, fear, feeling of impending doom, insomnia, nausea, poor concentration, sensation of an abnormal heartbeat, or trembling Consult a doctor for medical advice Sources:  Mayo Clinic and others.  I looked up symptoms for anxiety yesterday and this I what it showed me.  I hate self-diagnosable crap.  I’m not Dr. and neither is google.  I do not have the ability to do so.  But after saying that, I can say right now, I felt just about all these experienced within the last week or so.  Except for Impending doom, that sounds way too dramatic for my taste.  Let’s j...
Read more