Keeping my Eyes Open
I know I don't have much to say anymore. I use to have things to say. Things I thought important, but I guess as I get older, I realized a lot of it was just a bunch of self loathing cry for attention. Of course, I am my own worst critic and perhaps I am cutting myself short.... Nah, I doubt that.
Anyway, I dealt with a huge pain in my hip all weekend. I thought it was my lower back at first, then i realized it was mainly on my right side and in my hip area. I know I hurt it years ago. I'm not sure how, Dr. said I sprang it somehow. Perhaps I have and it hasn't really healed? Wouldn't of lasted years if it was a sprung it, so i'm thinking there is a little more to it than that. I woke up this morning though and it feels fine, almost normal, but I feel some pain lingering.
My wife asked me to schedule her for a dental appointment today. I never looked forward to the dentist. I just want a cleaning and I end up with a root canal. Sometimes more than one. So I can't say I'm looking forward to that. My teeth feel fine though, so perhaps it won't be as bad as I think. I'm suppose to be looking into buying a house. I need to call the lender I've gotten an estimate from. I don't like being an adult. Responsibilities give me anxiety. This is most likely true with most people when they are in their early 20's and not in their mid-thirties like yours truly. I'm sure I'm not the only special case, So let's hope I'm in good company.
I hung out with my nephew yesterday and it was fun. All we did was play a video game til it was time to get dinner. He watched me play Fallout 4, which i'm taking way too long on, but there is a lot to do in that game and I"m enjoying it for the most part. We both got a bit bummed though, I lost a special piece of armor that I let a dead body keep for me. When I went back to the dead body, it de-spawned (disappeared yay to gamer talk). So everything we did, I might have to do again. (sigh), ah well, I guess it be easier a second time around.
Now I'm at work. I'm longing for something. No clue what though. I'm happy for the most part. I'm still hung up on things of my own creation. I think I'm just too bored and tired of things. When I ask the question, "What would I change?" I don't have an answer. I hate not knowing what I want. Even material things are hard for me to determine. I only buy things I need, and I can't remember the last time I was excited to buy something. New phone? New game? New music? I can't say I'm excited about anything at the moment. Perhaps when I start looking for houses I'll get excited about that. I look forward to seeing my wife after work though. I get happy when I have a conversation with someone new and i'm still getting to know. I still enjoy listening to music now and again. I feel like I'm on a verge of being inspired again (maybe, I forgot how that feels too). My creativity has not be active for years. Perhaps its wants to wake up again? I learn not to push such things. Maybe I need to be around more people. I'm starting to think I need to concentrate on other things other than my marriage and job. I guess I should just wait and see. I always waited for life to give me some kind of nudge, I need to start paying attention because we all know I've missed a lot of them. I guess I should get back to work.
Thanks for listening.
Anyway, I dealt with a huge pain in my hip all weekend. I thought it was my lower back at first, then i realized it was mainly on my right side and in my hip area. I know I hurt it years ago. I'm not sure how, Dr. said I sprang it somehow. Perhaps I have and it hasn't really healed? Wouldn't of lasted years if it was a sprung it, so i'm thinking there is a little more to it than that. I woke up this morning though and it feels fine, almost normal, but I feel some pain lingering.
My wife asked me to schedule her for a dental appointment today. I never looked forward to the dentist. I just want a cleaning and I end up with a root canal. Sometimes more than one. So I can't say I'm looking forward to that. My teeth feel fine though, so perhaps it won't be as bad as I think. I'm suppose to be looking into buying a house. I need to call the lender I've gotten an estimate from. I don't like being an adult. Responsibilities give me anxiety. This is most likely true with most people when they are in their early 20's and not in their mid-thirties like yours truly. I'm sure I'm not the only special case, So let's hope I'm in good company.
I hung out with my nephew yesterday and it was fun. All we did was play a video game til it was time to get dinner. He watched me play Fallout 4, which i'm taking way too long on, but there is a lot to do in that game and I"m enjoying it for the most part. We both got a bit bummed though, I lost a special piece of armor that I let a dead body keep for me. When I went back to the dead body, it de-spawned (disappeared yay to gamer talk). So everything we did, I might have to do again. (sigh), ah well, I guess it be easier a second time around.
Now I'm at work. I'm longing for something. No clue what though. I'm happy for the most part. I'm still hung up on things of my own creation. I think I'm just too bored and tired of things. When I ask the question, "What would I change?" I don't have an answer. I hate not knowing what I want. Even material things are hard for me to determine. I only buy things I need, and I can't remember the last time I was excited to buy something. New phone? New game? New music? I can't say I'm excited about anything at the moment. Perhaps when I start looking for houses I'll get excited about that. I look forward to seeing my wife after work though. I get happy when I have a conversation with someone new and i'm still getting to know. I still enjoy listening to music now and again. I feel like I'm on a verge of being inspired again (maybe, I forgot how that feels too). My creativity has not be active for years. Perhaps its wants to wake up again? I learn not to push such things. Maybe I need to be around more people. I'm starting to think I need to concentrate on other things other than my marriage and job. I guess I should just wait and see. I always waited for life to give me some kind of nudge, I need to start paying attention because we all know I've missed a lot of them. I guess I should get back to work.
Thanks for listening.
Comments